Just thought I'd share a few things that were on my mind today…
Over the last year, some of you may know, I have had to do a diet overhaul, so to speak, as some
medication I took somehow triggered some sort of autoimmune something or other. As a result, I am unable to eat most foods I have eaten my entire life. While it has been inconvenient and certainly very difficult in the beginning, it has not been all bad. I am now more intentional about what I put into my body. I cook all of my meals rather than eat out and overall, I am a lot healthier. If you really know me, then you know I LOVE warm chocolate chip cookies. But due to the extent of my allergies, I have yet to find a way to make said cookies. And so, I have jokingly said to my daughters that I believe that upon my arrival in Heaven, Jesus will greet me with a plate of warm chocolate chip cookies. Can you imagine what chocolate chips cookies will taste like in a place that is not under the curse?? Mmm, I am one day closer…
Speaking of greetings in Heaven, it was three days ago when I learned that October is not only Breast Cancer Awareness month, but it was also designated by Ronald Reagan in 1988 as Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness month. Today is October 18 and while I remember them always, every year on this day, I take time to look back on our identical twin babies that my husband and I lost back in 2010. I think about how just the week before, the ultrasound showed active, healthy babies and just a few days later, they were laying side by side, lifeless in my womb. I think about the overwhelming sadness and anger I had. I think about how I “shook my fist” in God’s face asking, “Are you going to redeem me, God? Like the family on Oprah who lost 3 kids in an auto accident, and You blessed them with triplets the following year?” I remember being so disappointed in God. . .as if He owed me something. I think back to my dear friend, sharing with me a song, “Glory Baby” by Watermark and how it was like a soothing balm on my heart. I think back to how He blessed us with a son, Noah, just 14 months later. And I think about how He blessed us with another son, Joshua (meaning God is Salvation) due October 18, but actually born on October 15, which I just learned (this week) is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day. I think about in all my sadness, anger, pride, and doubt directed toward God, but He showed mercy, extended extravagant grace, demonstrated extreme kindness-all motivated by love-and brought about redemption in my life. Today, I also think about how I am one day closer to seeing my babies again. Just one day closer…
I live near the Christian university where my daughter attends and my husband has taught for the last 6 years. You would think that I would know the campus like the back of my hand, but surprisingly, I do not. On a walk the other day, a friend of mine introduced me to two little prayer chapels on campus. Actually, I knew of one of them, but I never took the time to sit inside of it, but the other one was a bit tucked away. Well, this morning, after dropping the kids off at school, I walked to the “tucked away’ chapel and spent some time in prayer to my Heavenly Father. Thanking Him, crying out to Him. Thanking Him, crying out to Him some more. And thanking Him some more. There is so much going on. So many needs. And yet, so many blessings. I was overwhelmed by my sinfulness as I reflected and yet I never cease to be amazed by how God responded in love and mercy by sending Jesus to wipe away all that from me. From us. May I never get over that. Another day closer. . .
So, what does warm chocolate chip cookies, Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness month and my walk to a cute, little prayer chapel tucked away on a nearby college campus have in common? Well, for me, they are a reminder that we are all dealing with hard stuff. Some things are definitely harder than others, but as believers/followers of Christ, we are one day closer. We are one day closer to complete healing. We are one day closer to being reunited with those who have died in Christ. We are one day closer to not ever having to pray again as we will see Him face-to-face. Take heart, Sisters and Brothers. We are one day closer.
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